urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ikagara Ikagara Siantu Ikagara Siantu 2008-01-25T02:34:39Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ikagara:557 2008-01-25T02:34:39Z 2008-01-25T02:34:39Z <p>Gah, this is jsut to rant, i have no way to rleive tention or stress anymore it seelf anhing i try doesnt work anymore, dmanit!</p><p>so be warned.........</p><p>Anyways im so fucking stressed, i cant even fucking sleep anymore, evry night i lay in bed for houres wondering if this is the day i die in my sleep and jsut sotp breathing, this has been goign on for a month, and its not geting better... today i only had like 2 hrs of sleep the rest was spend rolling bed my body feleing cold and my mind awake as shit not even being able to relax my mind, and i feel so traped i dont know what to do</p><p>I just want ot flails and yell my ass of then break down and cry my ass off </p><p>another thing, i ipend up to my paretns that im bi, (they leanred bi to mena soehting difrent form thir generaitons , menaing swinngers.. but im nto like that im jsut down the middle i think.........) andways theres tress between that i have a mate now, celanor, but theres so much stress now wiht all this, for one its online, my paretns are reall yunconfterble by it and its duenly throwen on to them that i got a online relaitonship (they r fine with the gay thing) but then things keep geting more and more complicated, what if it goes bad, what if cel isnt realy, what if im not gay? what if other shit happends, what will we do after, what iwll we do during, ecxt ect.. so wtf, relaitonships are just to much stress, why even fucking bother? but i cant say that.... i need to be held by some one, it be worht it... i need ot be held, some one i can let go, and let it all out and cry all my tearsi held back for all this time, but... i dont have that yet... if cel is the one, hes living hondtreds of miles away, his arms cant reach that far.......... im feel so traped, theres one side, then theres the other, so much conflicts...</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>so ya aobut this sleep deprived shit, i really feel like im guna die, not even joking, not even exsaduraiton, i feel week as shit, i alwmsot fell wlaking to class.. I NEED TO BE ABLE TO RELAX~ i need otbe able to find somehtign to reliase ALL my stress, bur what?????????????????????????? what the fuck is it?</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>this is all i can pull out ym head now, ill post more later.....</p>